The exchange of giving and accepting prasadam is most prominent, as we all have to eat every day. And doing so by turning it into a loving exchange - inviting devotees to our home for prasadam - is an important and sweet part of our Vaishnava culture. Especially in countries such as Bangladesh, we can experience the sweetness and beauty of Krishna's culture to this very day.
No matter how poor people may be – they may be living in a simple village hut with a thatched roof and a mud-and-cow-dung covered floor – they will nevertheless bend over backwards to get an opportunity to receive and feed you! Especially when you are a foreigner, it is the highlight of their entire life if you have visited their home and accepted prasadam. They will never forget having had such good fortune.
I have a little ashrama in Mayapur at the goshala. The Goshala Building is one of the oldest buildings in the whole of Mayapur, and most of the tenants are Bengali families. I have a cordial relationship with them, and we always help each other out in different ways.
Whenever I knock on the door of any of them to ask something or to borrow their mridanga for a program, the wife always offers me some prasadam – she never allows me to leave her doorstep without it. Every time I knock, she invites me to come inside, offers a sitting place, a glass of water and some little prasadam – either a sweet or some fruit. If I am in a rush and only want to ask a quick question, she insists that I take an uncut piece of fruit with me to eat later. This is our Vaishnava culture – very hospitable, sweet and personal.
I have adopted this mood in my little ashrama – the only place in the world where I can receive a guest. Whenever I am there in Mayapur, several times a week, I invite devotees for prasadam to associate and connect with them. It creates such a personal and loving atmosphere; it certainly cultivates relationships. Besides, whenever somebody comes to my door, no matter who it is – even if it’s the plumber who has come to fix a tap in the bathroom – I always give him some prasadam before he leaves. Some maha-prasadam from the temple, or a fruit or whatever. We should always have something in the home to offer to an unexpected guest.
In some countries, amongst non-devotees, people would feel awkward to spontaneously accept an invitation to sit down and join another person’s meal. They would see it as an intrusion into another’s private sphere and would feel embarrassed: ‘How can I sit down and eat now! It may look like I am hungry and cannot arrange my own meal!’ Most likely, people would refuse, saying, “No, no. It’s alright. No problem – I’m not hungry.” People may not be willing to enter the mood of a loving exchange to accept food in a person’s home – they may not be ready to become indebted by welcoming the loving exchange.
We may encounter a similar situation when offering a gift – a person unfamiliar with Vaishnava etiquette and culture may refuse to accept it, especially if he has no good use for it. He may respond with, “It’s okay. No need for it. I don’t have much use for it.” Besides, he may feel embarrassed to accept it and thereby become indebted.
From a Vaishnava point of view, it is a must to accept a request to take prasadam, in the same way it is a must to accept a gift – no matter how useless it may be to us. When rejecting such offerings of affection, we block the flow of the loving exchange; if we are a little perceptive, we can detect an unpleasant feeling in our hearts resulting from turning down the loving offer. In particular, the person offering the gift or prasadam may feel a little hurt or disappointed at his expression of love being rejected.
As a matter of fact, when accepting a gift or prasadam, we accept the affection and devotion with which it is offered. Krishna also has this viewpoint. The prasadam or gift itself serves merely as the packaging – as a kind of wrapper – that facilitates the offering of our loving feelings. Even if the gift is of no use, we can still engage in the loving exchange by accepting it. Later on, we can pass it on to somebody else, with love and devotion – just like we sometimes save a colourful wrapper for later use. Therefore, when we visit a devotee’s home and are being invited to accept prasadam – even if we don’t have the time to sit down and eat peacefully – we should always accept the gesture and agree to engage in the loving exchange by taking the prasadam with us to eat later at home. Not doing so would be considered uncultured and almost a little rude.
When engaging in the loving exchanges of giving and accepting gifts, donations, or prasadam, we must cautiously maintain the Vaishnava etiquette with regard to associating with the other gender. It is inappropriate for a man to approach a woman and offer her a donation, a gift, or even some maha-prasadam, unless she is greatly senior to us or a visiting preacher. Another exception may be the maha-prasadam distribution to all devotees present – not to just one particular woman.
Easily, in the name of being charitable and generous, other subtle vibrations and impure intentions may enter the exchange. After all, it is in a man’s nature to want to provide for a woman and be her protector – it is built into the male disposition. Therefore, a man should marry; then he can protect and provide for his wife and children as his purifying duty, according to shastric injunctions. Likewise, a woman desires to be maintained and protected – hence, she should marry. If such exchanges take place outside of family relationships, she may easily become emotionally dependent and attached to her well-wisher.
On the 1st of October I flew on to Pune/India
Your servant, Devaki dd
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