The thorn to remove another thorn

I had not visited Kishiniev/Moldova for two years, so it was nice to meet all the devotees again.....
I stayed in the country side with Navadvip Prabhu and his wife Caitanya Rupa Mataji - around 50 minutes' drive from the temple, and Julia from Kharkov had come to take care of all my needs. It was a peaceful environment, and during the day I could find time to continue working on my next book.

I was invited to give the Sunday feast lecture, and also offer the course "Family Life as an Ashram" over four extended evening programs and a full-day session on Saturday. It was well attended by a nice group of eager devotees. The topic was especially relevant for new couples, who were entering family life and wanted to receive training and education how to approach this new challenge. But also for married couples and elderly devotees it is an important part of general education in Krishna consciousness. One should clearly understand what it takes to turn one's family life into an ashram - a place for self-realization.

One of our main problems is, that most of our devotees don't even see the necessity of receiving training and education before entering family life. We are lacking the understanding, that the grhastha ashram is very different from mundane family life. We may think we know already what the man/woman relationship is all about, and we take our mundane attitudes, visions and expectations into family life within Krishna consciousness. As a result it may not turn out to be an ashram, in which Srimad Bhagavatam and the holy name are the central pivot of our life. Temple life is arranged in such a way, that Srimad Bhagavatam and the holy name are the center. Only then it is an ashram - a place to cultivate Krishna consciousness. Family life also has to be arranged in such a way, that these two aspects of devotional life are of the foremost importance. Otherwise it is not an ashram - it is something else.

Srila Prabhupada gives the nice analogy of the man/woman attraction being like a thorn in our foot. It is a painful situation, causing trouble and misery and entangling us in material existence. If one is expert, one can take another thorn and use it skillfully in order to remove the first thorn. The second thorn is the grhastha ashram - a recommended way to become free from the man/woman attraction. However, if we are not so skillful, then we end up with two thorns in our foot! This indeed seems to take place a lot - because of lack of training and education how to use the thorn in an expert way.

The goal of mundane family life is romance and sense gratification of various kinds. Thus we agree to it as long as it is pleasing to our mind and senses. And if we don't like it any longer, then we give it up and look for another situation which promises to be more pleasing. Within the grhastha ashram however, we have a very different attitude and approach. We understand it to be a purifying journey, and we accept our duties and responsibilities towards each other with great commitment - something we cannot give up, simply because it ended up differently than what we expected. A Vaishnava sticks to his promise and word of honor, and he will be ready to accept any inconvenience to execute his duties. There is no question of divorce, especially if our partner is practicing Krishna consciousness. Marriage is seen to be one of the main important samskaras which purifies our human existence. It is not a matter of whether I still like it or not. It is all about performing one's duty within Krishna consciousness.
Srila Prabhupada expresses this in a letter to Sudevi Dasi in 1972:

"Marriage between husband and wife means that the husband must forever be responsible for the wife's well-being and protection in all cases. That does not mean that now there is agreement between us, therefore I am responsible, but as soon as there is some disagreement then I immediately flee the scene and become so-called renounced. Whether your husband likes to take responsibility as your spiritual guide or not, that does not matter. He must do it. It is his duty because he has taken you as his wife. Therefore he must take full responsibility for you the rest of his life. And you also must agree to serve him under all circumstances and assist him in every way so that he may make advancement in Krishna consciousness. By his making advancement in Krishna consciousness, automatically the wife will make advancement in the husband's footsteps. But if you do not assist him and be very obedient to his welfare, then he may become disgusted and go away. So there must be mutual responsibility by both parties, and now that you are married couple there is no question of your separation, but you must both strive very hard to serve Krishna together in harmony. What are these nonsense emotions that cause you to go this way and that way, the real thing is your duty. Now you are married couple, you know what your duty is, so best thing is to perform your duty and always think of Krsna. Never mind some temporary inconveniences, we must remain steady in our duty to Krishna."

Grhastha ashram is all about performing one's purifying duties within Krishna consciousness. The essence of Bhagavad-gita is exactly that - doing one's duty remembering Krishna. Unfortunately this understanding in regards to married life is lost and forgotten in these modern days. It is no longer seen as a religious duty which we have accepted before the Lord. It requires a major shift of consciousness to get back to this understanding. As long as we experience such a high divorce rate within ISKCON, we are still rather far away from arranging our family life as an ashram.

A young girl from the congregation was observing her birthday, and we distributed sweets together - my favorite loving exchange....!

On the 2nd of October I flew on to Germany........

Your servant, Devaki dd