I have received so many encouraging words from devotees all over the world - expressions of gratitude and appreciation, and good wishes and prayers. Such loving exchanges bring us closer and deepen our Vaisnava relationships, and give spiritual strength and encouragement to all involved. The prayers of devotees are very powerful and uplift everyone's consciousness, simply by turning to the Lord sincerely within our hearts.
Thanks to all of you for your affectionate care from far away...
Thanks to all of you for your affectionate care from far away...
For the first ten days after my surgery I had a drain coming out of my right chest, which collected all kinds of lymphatic fluids and blood in a little plastic bottle, and the entire system was under vacuum - to make sure everything would be nicely extracted. Ten years ago I had four drains going into two bottles. Already then I called them "my liquid-beauty-bottles", refering to the little allegorical story which Prabhupada tells in regards to the young beautiful girl who fasted for several days and collected all types of bodily discharges in a bucket. And later when a handsome young man was shocked to see her in a different state, having lost most of her bodily beauty, she pointed at the bucket with her "liquid beauty", exclaiming: "Here it is....!"
Now in Mumbai I was once again bound to this drainage system, and moving around in my "bhajan kutir" I was pulling the bottle behind me on the floor, calling it "my little doggy on the leash" - being bound to serving him. If we can see things from a spiritual perspective we will develop what I like to call the "tumor humor", and we will approach the situation in a cheerful mood. I remember hearing when HH Sridhara Maharaja was severely suffering under the last stage of liver cancer just before he left his body in Mayapur, and his belly was bloated like a balloon with so much water accumulating, he once put both of his hands on his big belly and smilingly exclaimed: "I think it is a boy....!" That's tumor humor.....! It requires at least some transcendental vision and understanding, that we are indeed not this body, and all these calamities are simply part of the nonsensical stage performance - a crazy circus, where we are playing a temporary and illusory role. Factual and eternal reality lies in our relationship with Krsna, which cannot be taken away by anything - not even cancer, not even death.....!
Whenever I was leaving my "bhajan kutir" to go into the street, I would put my little doggy into my parikrama bag and carry it around. Every morning I had to empty the bottle with a special device and measure the amount of liquid, and gradually it was reducing from day to day.
I was not looking forward to the moment where this drain would be removed. Ten years ago it was a very painful experience, and even now I was still carrying a rather traumatic samskara within my mind. Last time the drains were in my body for three weeks, going all over the place - from my upper colar bone down to the ribs, and from the center of my chest to the very side - all visible underneath the skin, because there is not much fat on my body to hide them. Now, every morning when emptying the bottle I couldn't help but wonder when this terrible moment would come, when Vaisnavaseva Prabhu would mercilessly have to pull on the drain, without much warning.....! This was the general procedure. And surely enough, the day came....!
This time, to my utter surprise it was so easy! Since the drain had been there for only ten days, it had not become as much a part of my body as ten years ago, and there was no pain while removing it, but instead some loud gargling sounds produced by pulling out the drainage under the vacuum system - an almost amusing experience. Another opportunity to realize that the body is nothing else but a bag of all kinds of rather disgusting substances, which make strange noises at times....!
I was not looking forward to the moment where this drain would be removed. Ten years ago it was a very painful experience, and even now I was still carrying a rather traumatic samskara within my mind. Last time the drains were in my body for three weeks, going all over the place - from my upper colar bone down to the ribs, and from the center of my chest to the very side - all visible underneath the skin, because there is not much fat on my body to hide them. Now, every morning when emptying the bottle I couldn't help but wonder when this terrible moment would come, when Vaisnavaseva Prabhu would mercilessly have to pull on the drain, without much warning.....! This was the general procedure. And surely enough, the day came....!
This time, to my utter surprise it was so easy! Since the drain had been there for only ten days, it had not become as much a part of my body as ten years ago, and there was no pain while removing it, but instead some loud gargling sounds produced by pulling out the drainage under the vacuum system - an almost amusing experience. Another opportunity to realize that the body is nothing else but a bag of all kinds of rather disgusting substances, which make strange noises at times....!
Now I felt great relief due to the little speck of newly gained (illusory) freedom - the happiness which is nothing else but a relief of discomfort. Encouraged by my re-gained ability to easily move around I spontaneously decided to visit Govardhana Eco Village - a village project started by HH Radhanath Swami, which is only around 90 minutes' drive from Bhaktivedanta Hospital. Vaisnavaseva Prabhu was so kind to give me his private car and driver, who took me out to Eco Village and picked me up again the next day.
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On my arrival I settled into a room at one of the Guest Houses, and shortly after I was cheerfully greeted by a group of Bangladeshi devotees who are taking the Bhakti Vaibhava course here, and some were also just visiting for a few days. Our pleasure always increases when we can share it with others who are dear to us. Even Krsna experiences this principle - therefore He always comes with all of His associates and is never alone.
We went together to the goshala to feed and brush the cows and calves, while exchanging news and realizations from Bangladesh and regarding my health situation. Later in the afternoon the boys took me for a tour around the replica of the Vrindavan temples: Radha Madana Mohan Temple, Govindaji Temple, the Ghats along the Yamuna - a very sweet and mind absorbing meditation indeed! I especially liked my favorite temple of Radha Damodara, which has changed so much over the last years in Vrindavan, but here it is still as it was many years ago: Prabhupada's room is simply wonderful! And seeing the very first original three volumes of the first canto of SB I shared the amazing story, how Srila Prabhupada tricked his associates and godbrothers in Vrindavan in giving him their blessings before he ventured to the US - by first asking them to bless the books, that they will go across the ocean to America. And then he humbly asked them to bless his saintly self - to bring the books there, since they could not go by themselves....! In such a sweet way Prabhupada conquered the hearts of his associates and moved them to actually give their blessings!
And his kitchen room is here, where he always used to take prasadam while gazing prayerfully at Rupa Goswami's Samadhi Mandir, with deep longing to fulfill his Guru Deva's impossible mission.....
We went together to the goshala to feed and brush the cows and calves, while exchanging news and realizations from Bangladesh and regarding my health situation. Later in the afternoon the boys took me for a tour around the replica of the Vrindavan temples: Radha Madana Mohan Temple, Govindaji Temple, the Ghats along the Yamuna - a very sweet and mind absorbing meditation indeed! I especially liked my favorite temple of Radha Damodara, which has changed so much over the last years in Vrindavan, but here it is still as it was many years ago: Prabhupada's room is simply wonderful! And seeing the very first original three volumes of the first canto of SB I shared the amazing story, how Srila Prabhupada tricked his associates and godbrothers in Vrindavan in giving him their blessings before he ventured to the US - by first asking them to bless the books, that they will go across the ocean to America. And then he humbly asked them to bless his saintly self - to bring the books there, since they could not go by themselves....! In such a sweet way Prabhupada conquered the hearts of his associates and moved them to actually give their blessings!
And his kitchen room is here, where he always used to take prasadam while gazing prayerfully at Rupa Goswami's Samadhi Mandir, with deep longing to fulfill his Guru Deva's impossible mission.....
The temple Deities are of exquisit beauty - Sri Sri Radha Vrindavan Bihari
and Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, situated in a very artistically carved simhasana, depicting Srila Prabhupada's pastimes, and also pastimes of Srimad Bhagavatam along the outside walls. Very unique and cultured indeed....
and Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, situated in a very artistically carved simhasana, depicting Srila Prabhupada's pastimes, and also pastimes of Srimad Bhagavatam along the outside walls. Very unique and cultured indeed....
To my great surprise I was invited to give the SB class the next morning, even though this project is at this moment mainly a brahmacari temple, with only very few grhasthas living here. My audience was pleased, and it felt good to once again sit on the Vyasasana - twelve days after a major surgery. Preaching is always the best medicine for me...! Gauranga Prabhu who serves here as the main leader of the project invited me to visit again in future to offer a seminar to the devotees.
On the 19th of April I flew to Cologne/Germany - one day before my Indian visa would expire......
Your servant, Devaki dd
Your servant, Devaki dd
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