After spending a busy week offering programs around Zagreb in Croatia, and visiting Ljubljana/Slovenia for Radhastami, I flew to Munich and travelled out to Simhachalam to attend a double-wedding. Balaram Pran Prabhu married Lalita Mataji, and Gauranga Gunarnava Prabhu tied the knot with Merilina.
In regards to Balaram Pran Prabhu and his wife I was involved as a matchmaker, guiding them both through the period of association to get to know each other. After they arrived at the decision to get married, they both strongly requested me to attend this event so important for them; and since I have a personal relationship with them, I accepted their heartfelt invitation.
Ramananda Prabhu who serves as the headpujari in Simhachalam conducts the wedding ceremonies in a unique and heartfelt style, and since Balaram Pran Prabhu has been a strong part of the community for a good number of years and accepts a lot of services and responsibilities, many devotees assembled to witness the joyful event and give their blessings.
The wedding had a special flavour since Balaram Pran Prabhu comes from a Muslim family in Jordan, and Lalita Mataji is from Ukraine. Both of their family members were able to come for this event and enjoyed witnessing the sweet and heart-moving ceremony while spending some days at the farm and receiving some insights and first experiences of Krishna consciousness.
Ramananda Prabhu who serves as the headpujari in Simhachalam conducts the wedding ceremonies in a unique and heartfelt style, and since Balaram Pran Prabhu has been a strong part of the community for a good number of years and accepts a lot of services and responsibilities, many devotees assembled to witness the joyful event and give their blessings.
The wedding had a special flavour since Balaram Pran Prabhu comes from a Muslim family in Jordan, and Lalita Mataji is from Ukraine. Both of their family members were able to come for this event and enjoyed witnessing the sweet and heart-moving ceremony while spending some days at the farm and receiving some insights and first experiences of Krishna consciousness.
It is imperative that we understand just how important it is in our Vaishnava culture that a person is assisted in finding a suitable partner and not simply left to follow his or her own senses and mind. Clearly it is the obligation of the leaders, managers and senior devotees of a community to serve the devotees in this way. Ideally, there may be a marriage committee in each devotee community, with committed and experienced Vaishnavas who accept this highly essential service. Not doing so brings a lot of instability, miseries and even chaos into the lives of individual devotees and also their children, and further instability and contamination into our communities.
Such a structure should be considered a must for any temple that maintains a brahmachari- and/or brahmacharini-ashrama. The temple residents need guidance on whether they should enter the grihastha-ashrama and when to do so; and they deserve assistance in finding a suitable candidate.
If such service is not offered, especially to the temple residents, it may be viewed as a serious form of neglect, perhaps even exploitation. After all, brahmacharis and brahmacharinis allow themselves to be fully dependent on the authorities and submit themselves in service. This is the consciousness and attitude appropriate to this ashrama.
Not to assist a person to move on in their life and enter marriage, at the right point in time, can be viewed as a serious failure in providing care – even a misuse of their trust in us. We also have to be aware that it may not be in the interest of a manager to advise a brahmachari to enter family life. Such advice may not be in his managerial interest: After all, every temple gains so much from having as many brahmacharis as possible! They give inspiration to the whole community, preach, go on book distribution and harinama, and render a lot of service – selflessly and unconditionally.
Therefore, we often observe that a temple manager does not want to put the idea of marriage into the minds of the brahmacharis. This may also relate to the women in the brahmacharini-ashrama. They equally render so many valuable services, and sometimes a temple may even depend on their voluntary contribution in order to make ends meet. In this way, the temple authorities may not always be in favour of a monastic temple resident getting married.
In the book "Sheltering Relationships – The Foundation of Devotee Care", we establish how important it is to have a mentor or coach who has no other interest except our spiritual growth and development; no financial interests, no emotional interests and also no managerial interest. The essence of devotee care is to recognise the need to become more people-focused, rather than project-focused. Unless we implement such a vision of care into our ISKCON society, we will be prone to use devotees for our ambitions (no matter how spiritual they may be) and the external development of our projects, thus neglecting to care for and nourish the devotees. We may even burn them out and, as a result, they may leave Krishna consciousness altogether.
In connection with the importance of having such an aloof brahminical adviser in our life, we also established the fact that as long as we have material desires and attachments, we cannot objectively assess ourselves; we may not be able to understand our current status, or whether we are rightly situated in our ashrama.
This is especially so for a brahmachari who has become attached to his designation. Even though it may be the right time for him to consider changing ashramas, due to his attachment to the subtle gratification and recognition the position of a brahmachari affords him, he may refuse the idea of entering family life. Thus he may create further difficulties and stumbling blocks for his future spiritual progress. In due course, he might even fall down, since he may not be properly situated within the brahmachari-ashrama, and thus may lose his spiritual strength. Or he may have to face entering married life when he is 45 or 50 years old – an age when he should be preparing for the next ashrama, the vanaprastha phase of life.
In this way, we can observe how entering family life may be a true challenge to the false ego, and thus the devotee may require the help of a confidential, trustworthy friend and well-wisher to guide him in the right direction.
If a brahmachari or brahmacharini is not rightly situated in their ashrama, they will experience unfulfilled needs and desires. A man and woman who are both faced with unfulfilled desires, attract each other like magnets, but the deeper compatibility may not be there. As Srila Prabhupada stated in the purport to the Srimad-Bhagavatam (3.21.27), out of such unfulfilled urges and desires, a person may accept anyone; therefore it is preferable if the
spouse is recommended by a parent, mentor or coach, as they can better recognise who may be a good match and who may not.
Recently, the realization struck me that the training of how to enter grihastha life should be compulsory for all single members of our communities around the world. How many times have I observed a single man becoming the target of a woman’s search for a husband! And thus the butter melts! Unless the single members of our communities receive training on how to enter grihastha life, and how not to go about it, they may slide into marriage without education or preparation and not according to Krishna’s recommendations.
Of course, the women can’t be blamed for acting as the fire that melts the butter. As we know, the desire to be married, or at least have companionship and feel protected, is inherent in the female nature and may even manifest in early childhood – just to make sure she receives the protection she is meant to be given. It is according to Krishna’s divine arrangements. Therefore, she is meant to be protected by the parents (or senior devotees) who can help arrange a suitable husband for her.
How to enter grihastha life should be considered a part of our general spiritual education and training for everyone in our communities. I pray for the day when we can make this shift into the grihastha-ashrama in a cultured way – according to Krishna’s recommendations. Then we will have more hope for stable and emotionally healthy families.
On the 9th of September I moved on to Zurich/Switzerland.....
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
Such a structure should be considered a must for any temple that maintains a brahmachari- and/or brahmacharini-ashrama. The temple residents need guidance on whether they should enter the grihastha-ashrama and when to do so; and they deserve assistance in finding a suitable candidate.
If such service is not offered, especially to the temple residents, it may be viewed as a serious form of neglect, perhaps even exploitation. After all, brahmacharis and brahmacharinis allow themselves to be fully dependent on the authorities and submit themselves in service. This is the consciousness and attitude appropriate to this ashrama.
Not to assist a person to move on in their life and enter marriage, at the right point in time, can be viewed as a serious failure in providing care – even a misuse of their trust in us. We also have to be aware that it may not be in the interest of a manager to advise a brahmachari to enter family life. Such advice may not be in his managerial interest: After all, every temple gains so much from having as many brahmacharis as possible! They give inspiration to the whole community, preach, go on book distribution and harinama, and render a lot of service – selflessly and unconditionally.
Therefore, we often observe that a temple manager does not want to put the idea of marriage into the minds of the brahmacharis. This may also relate to the women in the brahmacharini-ashrama. They equally render so many valuable services, and sometimes a temple may even depend on their voluntary contribution in order to make ends meet. In this way, the temple authorities may not always be in favour of a monastic temple resident getting married.
In the book "Sheltering Relationships – The Foundation of Devotee Care", we establish how important it is to have a mentor or coach who has no other interest except our spiritual growth and development; no financial interests, no emotional interests and also no managerial interest. The essence of devotee care is to recognise the need to become more people-focused, rather than project-focused. Unless we implement such a vision of care into our ISKCON society, we will be prone to use devotees for our ambitions (no matter how spiritual they may be) and the external development of our projects, thus neglecting to care for and nourish the devotees. We may even burn them out and, as a result, they may leave Krishna consciousness altogether.
In connection with the importance of having such an aloof brahminical adviser in our life, we also established the fact that as long as we have material desires and attachments, we cannot objectively assess ourselves; we may not be able to understand our current status, or whether we are rightly situated in our ashrama.
This is especially so for a brahmachari who has become attached to his designation. Even though it may be the right time for him to consider changing ashramas, due to his attachment to the subtle gratification and recognition the position of a brahmachari affords him, he may refuse the idea of entering family life. Thus he may create further difficulties and stumbling blocks for his future spiritual progress. In due course, he might even fall down, since he may not be properly situated within the brahmachari-ashrama, and thus may lose his spiritual strength. Or he may have to face entering married life when he is 45 or 50 years old – an age when he should be preparing for the next ashrama, the vanaprastha phase of life.
In this way, we can observe how entering family life may be a true challenge to the false ego, and thus the devotee may require the help of a confidential, trustworthy friend and well-wisher to guide him in the right direction.
If a brahmachari or brahmacharini is not rightly situated in their ashrama, they will experience unfulfilled needs and desires. A man and woman who are both faced with unfulfilled desires, attract each other like magnets, but the deeper compatibility may not be there. As Srila Prabhupada stated in the purport to the Srimad-Bhagavatam (3.21.27), out of such unfulfilled urges and desires, a person may accept anyone; therefore it is preferable if the
spouse is recommended by a parent, mentor or coach, as they can better recognise who may be a good match and who may not.
Recently, the realization struck me that the training of how to enter grihastha life should be compulsory for all single members of our communities around the world. How many times have I observed a single man becoming the target of a woman’s search for a husband! And thus the butter melts! Unless the single members of our communities receive training on how to enter grihastha life, and how not to go about it, they may slide into marriage without education or preparation and not according to Krishna’s recommendations.
Of course, the women can’t be blamed for acting as the fire that melts the butter. As we know, the desire to be married, or at least have companionship and feel protected, is inherent in the female nature and may even manifest in early childhood – just to make sure she receives the protection she is meant to be given. It is according to Krishna’s divine arrangements. Therefore, she is meant to be protected by the parents (or senior devotees) who can help arrange a suitable husband for her.
How to enter grihastha life should be considered a part of our general spiritual education and training for everyone in our communities. I pray for the day when we can make this shift into the grihastha-ashrama in a cultured way – according to Krishna’s recommendations. Then we will have more hope for stable and emotionally healthy families.
On the 9th of September I moved on to Zurich/Switzerland.....
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
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