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Massaging each other's false egos

11/23/2022

 
After my mother's departure from this world I flew back to India on the 9th of November and was immediately engaged in conducting various preaching programs. After the intense experience of taking care of my mother during her last days and arranging her funeral celebration, it felt good to enter a different headspace and thus gain some distance to the past impressions.
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I visited the ISKCON communities of Navi Mumbai and Nashik, both near Mumbai, and I had a wonderful time churning various topics and distributing lots of copies of the books I published - something which is most satisfying to my heart. How much can people remember by attending a lecture or seminar? If they however accept a book, it will be of more permanent value.

In both places we had nice ladies' sangas, and in Nashik I was requested to conduct a one-day Holy Name Retreat at the goshala - a 20-minute drive away from the temple - which was well attended and received with appreciation and gratitude. In both places we also churned the topic of The False Ego - Our Constant Companion and Troublemaker which is always a catchy topic for men and women alike.
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Since our false ego is so near and dear to us, we may also enjoy massaging each other’s egos. We may flatter someone’s false ego and it may feel good to receive the same in return. In the name of appreciating and glorifying devotees, we offer an ego-massage with flattering words, “Oh, you are such a nice kirtaneer! You are the best!” A person may happily welcome such praising words, thinking, “This person is very nice. He is such an advanced devotee; he actually realises my greatness.”
In this way, a subtle business deal develops: “I glorify you and offer flattering words, and you are my well-wisher and supporter. You give me little privileges and flattering words in return.”
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This is the mentality we can also find among the demigods and their followers. The devatas are attached to being worshipped, and just to make sure the flow of worship will continue, they offer material benedictions. A similar subtle exchange may go on between devotees. However, once our heart and our motivation for devotional practice has received initial purification, we will perceive such kinds of flattery as unpleasant. We can distinctly sense the contamination through the subtle material motive with which it is offered. It is not coming from a selfless and pure heart. Often it may also be offered with pride and arrogance, rather than humility.

Whoever offers such glorifications in fact intends to be glorified by bringing attention to himself. Such subtle business ‘arrangements’ contaminate our heart. It is not the recommended way in which to appreciate and glorify devotees. They are merely flattering words offered with some ulterior motive. Some people may, for example, have the strong need to always feel liked by others. It may often go back to some insecurities resulting from childhood. When a person did not receive enough attention from their mother, it may result in such hankering for being liked. In this way, devotees may fall prey to such business deals of massaging each other’s false egos to fulfil their own needs.

Being introspective and understanding our own insecurities, we then can pray to the Lord to help us find Krishna conscious means to fulfil our needs without massaging our egos.

On the 23rd of November I reached Vrindavan....

Your servant, Devaki dd

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