In mid of December, my writing retreat at Goloka Dham/Germany was suddenly interrupted when I received the news of my mother being hospitalised with Covid. She had been tested positive at a routine check but did not have any symptoms whatsoever - even though she is almost 92 and not vaccinated! Since her caregivers and home care nurses could not come any longer, they had no other choice but to admit her in a Corona ward in the hospital, where she was extremely unhappy and miserable.
I immediately contacted the doctors and found out that she could be discharged at any time, if she had somebody to take care of her. Speaking to her every day on the phone, I realised that she was rapidly deteriorating. So I decided to take her home and care for her during her 14 days of quarantine, which would end just before Xmas. I just couldn't bear the thought that she would leave her body in such a horrible environment of a Corona Ward...!
The ambulance transported her to her home, and when I welcomed her, I was shocked to see how weak she had become after these 4 days of hospitalisation. The whole experience had been very confusing and disorientating for her - the usual thing when old people are pulled out of their everyday environment and suddenly have to go to hospital or an old age home.
She was very fragile, hardly being able to eat anything at all, indeed close to leaving her body - not because of Corona, but because her whole world had collapsed, and thus she was ready to give up her life. Amazing, what the mind can do...!
For the first week, I truly thought she would leave her body, and we even discussed all kinds of details of her funeral, and which dress she would like to wear when her body would be burnt...!
The ambulance transported her to her home, and when I welcomed her, I was shocked to see how weak she had become after these 4 days of hospitalisation. The whole experience had been very confusing and disorientating for her - the usual thing when old people are pulled out of their everyday environment and suddenly have to go to hospital or an old age home.
She was very fragile, hardly being able to eat anything at all, indeed close to leaving her body - not because of Corona, but because her whole world had collapsed, and thus she was ready to give up her life. Amazing, what the mind can do...!
For the first week, I truly thought she would leave her body, and we even discussed all kinds of details of her funeral, and which dress she would like to wear when her body would be burnt...!
But somehow, I miraculously got her back on her feet - with lots of maha prasadam, prayers and loving care. She shared that her subtle body had already been somewhat disconnected from her gross body, and she had felt like "in between two worlds".
After a few days, I took her out into nature with her motorised wheelchair, and this made a big impact on her recovery. Suddenly, she felt connected again to this world - experiencing nature with its sounds, smells and forms grounded her again. Another sign, how important it is for us human beings to be connected with nature with its healing, soothing and grounding effect.
I see it as my duty to try and assist my mother in having an auspicious departure - especially since she is favourable to Krishna consciousness and open to spiritual subject matters. After all, caring for our elders and parents is part of our culture which I am preaching and writing about! And setting this example is good preaching in itself - her friends, neighbours and relatives were quite amazed that I accepted the risk of getting also infected, for the sake of caring for her.
After a few days, I took her out into nature with her motorised wheelchair, and this made a big impact on her recovery. Suddenly, she felt connected again to this world - experiencing nature with its sounds, smells and forms grounded her again. Another sign, how important it is for us human beings to be connected with nature with its healing, soothing and grounding effect.
I see it as my duty to try and assist my mother in having an auspicious departure - especially since she is favourable to Krishna consciousness and open to spiritual subject matters. After all, caring for our elders and parents is part of our culture which I am preaching and writing about! And setting this example is good preaching in itself - her friends, neighbours and relatives were quite amazed that I accepted the risk of getting also infected, for the sake of caring for her.
Serving a person in such an intimate way certainly has its intense and purifying moments - running around all day, responding to her desires and requests and offering personalised care and attention, without getting impatient or caught on the false ego platform. I accepted it as yet another opportunity to become a humble and selfless servant. Especially within family relationships, we can experience many moments of intense purification - since I haven't served a great deal in this way during this lifetime, there was maybe still something I was meant to go through...! I endeavoured to fully tune into her mood, needs and wishes, and I was always looking for newer and newer ideas of what I could cook for her to please her and stimulate her appetite.
During these four weeks, we experienced many sweet and deep moments. When a person stands a little closer to the edge and prepares to leave this world, we can find many opportunities to connect in profound and intimate ways, from soul to soul. We can dive to the very essence of life - our relationship with the Lord. Every evening, we concluded the day with reading meaningful texts and prayers, often sharing intimate thoughts and realisations. We would take turns in offering prayers in our own words - a golden opportunity for me to inject a bit of transcendental knowledge. As time went by, I noticed how her prayers became deeper and more spiritual. Once she prayed that the Lord would protect me, so I could offer more service to Him during the remainder of my life...
I thought that was pretty sweet - something she would have never done a few years ago...
At times she was deeply inquiring about life and God, or opening her heart about regretful experiences in her life - digesting life's events, letting go of negative emotions and misgivings. She embarked on an internal journey of winding up her life and being on good terms with it - despite failures and mistakes. She was getting ready to bid farewell...
Who knows when the actual moment of her departure would come...
On the 10th of January, I ended my rescue mission - she was stable enough for me to leave for Simhachalam/Germany....
Your servant, Devaki dd
During these four weeks, we experienced many sweet and deep moments. When a person stands a little closer to the edge and prepares to leave this world, we can find many opportunities to connect in profound and intimate ways, from soul to soul. We can dive to the very essence of life - our relationship with the Lord. Every evening, we concluded the day with reading meaningful texts and prayers, often sharing intimate thoughts and realisations. We would take turns in offering prayers in our own words - a golden opportunity for me to inject a bit of transcendental knowledge. As time went by, I noticed how her prayers became deeper and more spiritual. Once she prayed that the Lord would protect me, so I could offer more service to Him during the remainder of my life...
I thought that was pretty sweet - something she would have never done a few years ago...
At times she was deeply inquiring about life and God, or opening her heart about regretful experiences in her life - digesting life's events, letting go of negative emotions and misgivings. She embarked on an internal journey of winding up her life and being on good terms with it - despite failures and mistakes. She was getting ready to bid farewell...
Who knows when the actual moment of her departure would come...
On the 10th of January, I ended my rescue mission - she was stable enough for me to leave for Simhachalam/Germany....
Your servant, Devaki dd
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