I arrived in Mayapur on the 11th of July - not my usual time to visit Mayapur. I came on a special mission: To accompany one of my "spiritual daughters" on her final journey to prepare for death.
We have known each other since 1991 - for more than 30 years. I had traveled with her a lot, arranged her marriage and accompanied her through her whole devotional life. I felt compelled to put my preaching activities aside and serve her during these testing times, encouraging her to move on to her next destination.
We have known each other since 1991 - for more than 30 years. I had traveled with her a lot, arranged her marriage and accompanied her through her whole devotional life. I felt compelled to put my preaching activities aside and serve her during these testing times, encouraging her to move on to her next destination.
Assisting a person on their journey to give up their body is one of the most important and heart-touching experiences - a service which is so rewarding and gives unlimited realisations. One requires a spiritual vision going beyond the bodily identification which enables us to connect from soul to soul, giving a person true encouragement to remember the Lord and move on to their next destination - wherever it may be.
Offering this most important support at the most crucial phase in life brings a relationship to its perfection - no matter how imperfect it may have been. All misgivings and offences of the past are moved aside and have no importance any longer. We can associate on the platform of eternal reality - all that matters is our relationship with the Lord, setting an extraordinary and highly transcendental foundation to our association.
To perform such service requires sensitivity, resisting the temptation to use one's position to exert power and control over another. Needless to say, when one is about to face death, one finds himself in a weak and vulnerable position which must not be exploited by others. It is a matter of fine balance to recognize what the person needs, yet, at times being firm in other matters when it comes to protecting their well-being. It requires a genuine mood of selfless care, extending oneself in true concern for the person's ultimate benefit of reaching Krishna. It is a service demanding a high level of sacrifice - taxing on all levels: spiritual, physical and emotional. It may even be heart-breaking to witness the body of a person near and dear to us, now gradually falling apart and ceasing to function. To additionally have some basic medical knowledge and understanding is certainly of great help, as such service also requires physical care - nursing a weak and fragile body approaching death, avoiding bedsores, and so forth.
Even when a dying person is not a practising devotee, we can nevertheless accompany them by greatly offering support in this crucial phase in life. Needless to say, when death is approaching, being in a helpless position, people are more likely to be inquisitive - grateful for a person on their side who can offer a spiritual dimension to the journey ahead of them. Being surrounded by people who drown in feeling pity, lamenting and crying is not of much support when leaving this world. Rather, does a person gain peace of mind and fearlessness, when receiving some insights what will take place at the moment of their departure - even though they may not be familiar with Krishna consciousness.
Offering this most important support at the most crucial phase in life brings a relationship to its perfection - no matter how imperfect it may have been. All misgivings and offences of the past are moved aside and have no importance any longer. We can associate on the platform of eternal reality - all that matters is our relationship with the Lord, setting an extraordinary and highly transcendental foundation to our association.
To perform such service requires sensitivity, resisting the temptation to use one's position to exert power and control over another. Needless to say, when one is about to face death, one finds himself in a weak and vulnerable position which must not be exploited by others. It is a matter of fine balance to recognize what the person needs, yet, at times being firm in other matters when it comes to protecting their well-being. It requires a genuine mood of selfless care, extending oneself in true concern for the person's ultimate benefit of reaching Krishna. It is a service demanding a high level of sacrifice - taxing on all levels: spiritual, physical and emotional. It may even be heart-breaking to witness the body of a person near and dear to us, now gradually falling apart and ceasing to function. To additionally have some basic medical knowledge and understanding is certainly of great help, as such service also requires physical care - nursing a weak and fragile body approaching death, avoiding bedsores, and so forth.
Even when a dying person is not a practising devotee, we can nevertheless accompany them by greatly offering support in this crucial phase in life. Needless to say, when death is approaching, being in a helpless position, people are more likely to be inquisitive - grateful for a person on their side who can offer a spiritual dimension to the journey ahead of them. Being surrounded by people who drown in feeling pity, lamenting and crying is not of much support when leaving this world. Rather, does a person gain peace of mind and fearlessness, when receiving some insights what will take place at the moment of their departure - even though they may not be familiar with Krishna consciousness.
Accompanying a person through this final journey requires a fine balance between being near and giving reassurance on one side, and also offering space to withdraw. Ultimately, everyone has to die on their own - we have to fly our own plane.
As a person comes closer to death, he will want to withdraw more and more - from other people, friends and relatives, and from the world itself. It is natural and absolutely necessary in order to detach oneself and leave. It may be best to be surrounded by a very small circle of caregivers who are trusted associates; ideally, this can be discussed beforehand - who the person wants to be surrounded by.
When Srila Kadamba Kanana Maharaja prepared for his departure, at some point he no longer allowed any ladies in his presence. Understanding the man-woman attraction to be powerfully binding us to material existence, it is undoubtedly best not to be surrounded by members of the other gender during these last days of our life in this world.
Leaving one's body is a very private and almost intimate process, where we may only want to have a few selected persons near to us. Sometimes, others desire to bid farewell, but in actuality they only pay a visit to gawk in curiosity - as a curious onlooker. If they truly cared, they could have come earlier to offer some service, and not during the last few days of a person's life. Leaving this world is not a public performance for others to curiously watch.
During the last days, when the body rapidly falls apart, a person requires more physical care and support - assuring the basic bodily needs of cleanliness, etc. Gradually the strength will diminish not allowing a person to stand on his feet any longer. During the last one or two days, a person may not be able to speak any longer, but still may be able to hear and comprehend everything very distinctly, depending on how clear their mind and consciousness is. As we know, the sense of hearing remains intact the longest, as a rule up to the very point of departure. Even when in coma, a person can still hear distinctly and commonly also remembers everything they heard later on.
From a spiritual point of view, it may not be favorable to be surrounded by family members offering care. Preferably we may rather want to receive care from devotees who we are not emotionally entangled with, as this may be more harmonious. What makes family relationships oftentimes exhausting and difficult is our emotional connection and dependence - our overfamiliarity, expectations and demands, often leading to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Now, when approaching death, we may easily get impatient and irritated with relatives. To rely and depend on their care may also put too much pressure on them, ultimately straining the relationships.
As a person comes closer to death, he will want to withdraw more and more - from other people, friends and relatives, and from the world itself. It is natural and absolutely necessary in order to detach oneself and leave. It may be best to be surrounded by a very small circle of caregivers who are trusted associates; ideally, this can be discussed beforehand - who the person wants to be surrounded by.
When Srila Kadamba Kanana Maharaja prepared for his departure, at some point he no longer allowed any ladies in his presence. Understanding the man-woman attraction to be powerfully binding us to material existence, it is undoubtedly best not to be surrounded by members of the other gender during these last days of our life in this world.
Leaving one's body is a very private and almost intimate process, where we may only want to have a few selected persons near to us. Sometimes, others desire to bid farewell, but in actuality they only pay a visit to gawk in curiosity - as a curious onlooker. If they truly cared, they could have come earlier to offer some service, and not during the last few days of a person's life. Leaving this world is not a public performance for others to curiously watch.
During the last days, when the body rapidly falls apart, a person requires more physical care and support - assuring the basic bodily needs of cleanliness, etc. Gradually the strength will diminish not allowing a person to stand on his feet any longer. During the last one or two days, a person may not be able to speak any longer, but still may be able to hear and comprehend everything very distinctly, depending on how clear their mind and consciousness is. As we know, the sense of hearing remains intact the longest, as a rule up to the very point of departure. Even when in coma, a person can still hear distinctly and commonly also remembers everything they heard later on.
From a spiritual point of view, it may not be favorable to be surrounded by family members offering care. Preferably we may rather want to receive care from devotees who we are not emotionally entangled with, as this may be more harmonious. What makes family relationships oftentimes exhausting and difficult is our emotional connection and dependence - our overfamiliarity, expectations and demands, often leading to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Now, when approaching death, we may easily get impatient and irritated with relatives. To rely and depend on their care may also put too much pressure on them, ultimately straining the relationships.
Moreover, the attachment to family members is deep and strong - not easy to let go of and remember Krishna alone. If we are surrounded by our near and dear ones - how can we focus on Krishna alone? In his purport to verse 3.30.15, Srila Prabhupada almost bluntly makes this point:
"If a man leaves home and dies without his family's knowledge, that is considered to be a glorious death. But an attached family man wants his family members to carry him in a great procession even after his death, and although he will not be able to see how the procession goes, he still desires that his body be taken gorgeously in procession. Thus he is happy without even knowing where he has to go when he leaves his body for the next life."
When the person departing is not in Krishna consciousness, then the presence of family members who are also devotees, will uplift him. Then it will be beneficial for him to be attached to a Vaishnava, even if a family member. I have observed on several occasions, when a person leaving this world is surrounded by those near and dear to him - especially sitting right next to his bedside, not giving him the space to withdraw - a dying person cannot leave. Those near and dear to him are keeping him in this world; their affection and attachment bind him, and he cannot let go. And finally, when those close to him get tired and need a little rest, when they go to eat something or take a bath, then the person swiftly leaves, using the opportunity of their absence. In other words, whether a family member or not, we have to know the art of offering support to the departing person by giving them space to withdraw. Sitting at the bedside and holding hands may not be the best way to offer encouragement to leave.
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
"If a man leaves home and dies without his family's knowledge, that is considered to be a glorious death. But an attached family man wants his family members to carry him in a great procession even after his death, and although he will not be able to see how the procession goes, he still desires that his body be taken gorgeously in procession. Thus he is happy without even knowing where he has to go when he leaves his body for the next life."
When the person departing is not in Krishna consciousness, then the presence of family members who are also devotees, will uplift him. Then it will be beneficial for him to be attached to a Vaishnava, even if a family member. I have observed on several occasions, when a person leaving this world is surrounded by those near and dear to him - especially sitting right next to his bedside, not giving him the space to withdraw - a dying person cannot leave. Those near and dear to him are keeping him in this world; their affection and attachment bind him, and he cannot let go. And finally, when those close to him get tired and need a little rest, when they go to eat something or take a bath, then the person swiftly leaves, using the opportunity of their absence. In other words, whether a family member or not, we have to know the art of offering support to the departing person by giving them space to withdraw. Sitting at the bedside and holding hands may not be the best way to offer encouragement to leave.
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
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