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Feeling insecure and full of inferiority complexes

7/20/2022

 
On the 14th of July I arrived in New Varsana, the farm outside of Auckland - situated on the Northern island of New Zealand. Their beautiful Lordships Sri Sri Radha Giridhari, along with Jagannath, Baladeva, Subhadra and Gaur Nitai reside in Their splendid palace in the midst of this Vaishnava community.
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Srila Prabhupada installed Sri Sri Radha Giridhari in April 1972 at ISKCON’s first New Zealand temple, a small rented house in Auckland. In 1978, after Prabhupada left this world, devotees purchased a 100-acre farm on the outskirts of Auckland and used a farmhouse as the temple. In 2004, the Deities were finally moved to a beautiful new Vedic temple on this farm. Meanwhile the devotees also established a school here, which naturally attracts many grihasthas to become a part of the community.
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I have some little connection to this temple - in 1996 we had the good fortune to head up a team of around 10 devotees who came to collect laxmi in Germany to finish the construction of this beautiful palace of Their Lordships. We had an adventurous time together, endeavouring with great determination over around six months, and in a combined effort - by the mercy of Srila Prabhupada - our mission was successful and enough laxmi was raised to complete the temple construction.

During the four days of my visit, the devotees kept me busy with preaching programs in the Loft in Auckland, with a house program and a morning class at the temple. Around 150 copies of my books went into eager hands - something which always gives me deep satisfaction...
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The topic of the false ego - our constant companion and troublemaker - is always a popular and intriguing theme which catches people's interest, as it is so relevant for us all. The false ego makes us believe that we are great and can control the challenges ahead of us through our own prowess. Our false ego gives us a sense of being the centre of the world around us, and we see ourselves as the supreme controller, enjoyer and proprietor over all we survey. In this way, the false ego may lead us to pride, arrogance and overconfidence. It pushes and motivates us to fulfil exactly those demands that the false ego wants to enjoy: superiority and recognition.

There is also another effect of the false ego, which can manifest as being diametrically opposite. Then the false ego leads us to act on the mental platform, feeling insecure and full of inferiority complexes. Such a state of mind is also a result of the false ego. It comes about when our false ego wants us to appear greater than we can be, beyond our karma and capabilities. Since we cannot live up to the false ego’s demands and expectations, we then develop the feeling of being hopeless, seeing ourselves as useless and never as good as others around us. In this way, we may suffer inferiority complexes and may get depressed and insecure, losing all motivation to act. We simply feel despondent about the fact that we will never reach the false ego’s demands and can’t be as great as we would like to be.

In this way the false ego also affects us and creates our misery. Both effects will eventually be mitigated as we dissolve our false ego and gradually identify more and more with being a humble servant of Krishna and His devotees. Then we will happily give our best in service and not be so preoccupied with the results. We trust that if we do our best, then Krishna does the rest. We understand that Krishna is not so interested in the mere external results of our activities, but in our service mood – our love and devotion with which we offer our service.

External results are always more pleasing to the false ego than internal achievements. Consequently, in Kali-yuga our main focus is on externals, and we tend to neglect our endeavour for internal cultivation and achievements. They don’t give much satisfaction to the false ego, but rather to the real self, the soul. The price to be paid for such achievements is detachment from the satisfaction that the false ego demands.

Sometimes a devotee may have experienced traumatic and abusive situations in their past, which shattered or even entirely destroyed their natural self-esteem and confidence. If the false ego is broken to pieces, it may first have to be repaired before we can dissolve and subdue it. In such situations it may be necessary to seek professional help in order to heal our subtle body of mind, intelligence and false ego. Once the wounds are healed, we may apply the various tools of subduing it.

On the 19th of July I flew on to Wellington...

Your servant, Devaki dd

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