On the 15th of October I travelled from Pune to Nashik to spend one week in the association of the dedicated servants of Sri Sri Radha Madan Gopal, Lalita and Vishaka. Their Lordships are of exquisite beauty and truly offer a glimpse into the spiritual world....
The devotees kept me busy with a variety of programs, and I enjoyed connecting with people while trying to inspire them. One of these programs was for unmarried men and women who desired to prepare themselves to enter married life. The compatibility for marriage is always a highly intriguing and important topic for young people to discuss.
The devotees kept me busy with a variety of programs, and I enjoyed connecting with people while trying to inspire them. One of these programs was for unmarried men and women who desired to prepare themselves to enter married life. The compatibility for marriage is always a highly intriguing and important topic for young people to discuss.
 |  |
It is striking to observe how Krishna equips the male and female gross and subtle bodies with exactly the required qualities and natures so they can nicely execute their respective roles according to His plan. Krishna's plan and system is irrefutably perfect!
A man always desires to be in the superior position, especially with his wife. Srila Prabhupada describes this in the purport to the Srimad-Bhagavatam (3.23.2):
"A man's psychology and woman's psychology are different. As constituted
by bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife, and a woman, as bodily constituted, is naturally inferior to her husband. Thus the natural instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife, and this must be observed."
Srila Prabhupada also establishes the highly important role we women are meant to play as the power of inspiration for a man, especially her husband. In the purport to the Srimad-Bhagavatam (1.9.27), he states:
"As far as women class are concerned, they are accepted as a power of inspiration for men. As such, women are more powerful than men. Mighty Julius Caesar was controlled by a Cleopatra."
And in yet another purport (4.26.15), Srila Prabhupada emphasizes the same principle:
"Actually, a woman is supposed to be the energy of the man. Historically, in the background of every great man there is either a mother or a wife."
A wife can only play this important role of being the power of inspiration for her husband if she accepts the subordinate position towards him. Then she can offer her powerful feminine energy to him in order to make him her hero, rather than endeavouring to become a hero herself. However, as soon as she considers herself equal to him, the risk may arise that she will compete with him. Then she will use her feminine energy for herself which ultimately disempowers and weakens him. It can even destroy him.
Once we clearly understand this important principle in the man-woman relationship, it becomes self-evident that a husband should be superior in as many aspects as possible and would need to possess qualities that his wife can look up to. Ideally, the husband should be:
* Taller in bodily stature. We are awarded a certain body, according to our mental composition. So it is not a coincidence what kind of body we have received, and it reflects a certain mentality. If she is rather tall and stout and he is short and skinny, it may not be easy and natural for him to feel like a protector and hero.
* Older in age. Again, if she is 5 years older than him, it may be difficult for him to establish himself as a more experienced person. By nature, girls mature much earlier than boys, especially if they grew up in Krishna consciousness. A girl may be ready to become a wife and mother at the age of 18, whereas a boy is still a kid at that age. He is not ready to take on the responsibilities of a husband and father, but simply wants to have fun and play around.
The husband may easily be 5 to 10 years older - even up to 15 years,
especially if they are both young: She may be 18, and he 28 to 33. Then it will be very natural for her to look up to him with respect. If the wife is older than her husband, she may naturally take a dominant position because of her broader life experience, which may dampen her husband's self-esteem and hamper his ability to take charge and protect.
* More highly educated. If his material education is higher than hers, it will be natural for her to look up to him with esteem. In Bangladesh, we have the saying: If she has one PhD, then he must have two, or at least he should have the title of a professor. High education can very easily lead to pride and arrogance which may lead to difficulties within married life, especially when manifested in a woman.
* Spiritually more mature. Then it may be most natural for her to respect and follow him with a submissive attitude.
* Financially stronger. A man receives inspiration when serving as a breadwinner, especially when his wife and children depend on him for maintenance. By nature, he takes great satisfaction in what he contributes materially and spiritually to the welfare of his family. It is this masculine identity that links him to his wife and children and gives him a sense of pride and accomplishment in his manhood. If a wife earns just as much or even more, it may undermine his role as guardian.
* From higher parentage. According to my experience, to consider the varnas is not of such great importance. In these modern days of Kali-yuga, the varnas are rather mixed and blurry which makes it difficult to clearly determine which varna people are in. I consider it more important that the husband's family is more educated and financially better off than hers. Once again, such a situation will make it more natural and easier for her to respect and honour him, and follow his mood.
If she comes from a wealthy and aristocratic family, but he comes from a simple working-class background, the relationship may be unbalanced since she may not feel genuine admiration for him. However, if it is the other way around and a man gains the appreciation and recognition of his wife, he becomes enlivened to perform his duties with joy and empowerment.
In this regard, nationality may also play a role. After all, it is not a coincidence in which part of the world a soul takes birth. Some countries have a higher standard of living and are thus considered to offer a birth with better karma. Hence, if a man is born in such a country, his wife may find it easier to respect and admire him.
For a man to be naturally superior, he must also show mature and heroic qualities such as confidence, wisdom and openness - and above all, genuine Krishna consciousness. An insecure man may misuse his superior position to suppress a woman's talents and initiative. If, however, he feels secure with who he is - with all his shortcomings as well as virtues and gifts - he will not feel insecure if his wife happens to have qualities and talents which he is lacking. A hero can recognise and value power in others and even inspire them further, without feeling threatened. He does not feel powerless in the company of such a woman, nor the need to suppress her. A man must be genuinely mature to respect his wife's power and intelligence and feel inspired by those qualities. If he is insecure, he may feel jealous of her.
His superiority also manifests in how well he can tolerate his wife's limitations and faults. If he is not secure and confident in himself, then her lack of maturity may irritate him even more.
We may not always find the ideal match that fits all the above criteria and may have to compromise. It is therefore important to figure out the most essential aspects for a person and then clarify their priorities while balancing those prime concerns with other more internal aspects of compatibility. The above points merely serve as considerations, rather than principles carved in stone. And there are further aspects and levels of compatibility to be considered.
On the 23rd of October I travelled to Vrindavan...
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
A man always desires to be in the superior position, especially with his wife. Srila Prabhupada describes this in the purport to the Srimad-Bhagavatam (3.23.2):
"A man's psychology and woman's psychology are different. As constituted
by bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife, and a woman, as bodily constituted, is naturally inferior to her husband. Thus the natural instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife, and this must be observed."
Srila Prabhupada also establishes the highly important role we women are meant to play as the power of inspiration for a man, especially her husband. In the purport to the Srimad-Bhagavatam (1.9.27), he states:
"As far as women class are concerned, they are accepted as a power of inspiration for men. As such, women are more powerful than men. Mighty Julius Caesar was controlled by a Cleopatra."
And in yet another purport (4.26.15), Srila Prabhupada emphasizes the same principle:
"Actually, a woman is supposed to be the energy of the man. Historically, in the background of every great man there is either a mother or a wife."
A wife can only play this important role of being the power of inspiration for her husband if she accepts the subordinate position towards him. Then she can offer her powerful feminine energy to him in order to make him her hero, rather than endeavouring to become a hero herself. However, as soon as she considers herself equal to him, the risk may arise that she will compete with him. Then she will use her feminine energy for herself which ultimately disempowers and weakens him. It can even destroy him.
Once we clearly understand this important principle in the man-woman relationship, it becomes self-evident that a husband should be superior in as many aspects as possible and would need to possess qualities that his wife can look up to. Ideally, the husband should be:
* Taller in bodily stature. We are awarded a certain body, according to our mental composition. So it is not a coincidence what kind of body we have received, and it reflects a certain mentality. If she is rather tall and stout and he is short and skinny, it may not be easy and natural for him to feel like a protector and hero.
* Older in age. Again, if she is 5 years older than him, it may be difficult for him to establish himself as a more experienced person. By nature, girls mature much earlier than boys, especially if they grew up in Krishna consciousness. A girl may be ready to become a wife and mother at the age of 18, whereas a boy is still a kid at that age. He is not ready to take on the responsibilities of a husband and father, but simply wants to have fun and play around.
The husband may easily be 5 to 10 years older - even up to 15 years,
especially if they are both young: She may be 18, and he 28 to 33. Then it will be very natural for her to look up to him with respect. If the wife is older than her husband, she may naturally take a dominant position because of her broader life experience, which may dampen her husband's self-esteem and hamper his ability to take charge and protect.
* More highly educated. If his material education is higher than hers, it will be natural for her to look up to him with esteem. In Bangladesh, we have the saying: If she has one PhD, then he must have two, or at least he should have the title of a professor. High education can very easily lead to pride and arrogance which may lead to difficulties within married life, especially when manifested in a woman.
* Spiritually more mature. Then it may be most natural for her to respect and follow him with a submissive attitude.
* Financially stronger. A man receives inspiration when serving as a breadwinner, especially when his wife and children depend on him for maintenance. By nature, he takes great satisfaction in what he contributes materially and spiritually to the welfare of his family. It is this masculine identity that links him to his wife and children and gives him a sense of pride and accomplishment in his manhood. If a wife earns just as much or even more, it may undermine his role as guardian.
* From higher parentage. According to my experience, to consider the varnas is not of such great importance. In these modern days of Kali-yuga, the varnas are rather mixed and blurry which makes it difficult to clearly determine which varna people are in. I consider it more important that the husband's family is more educated and financially better off than hers. Once again, such a situation will make it more natural and easier for her to respect and honour him, and follow his mood.
If she comes from a wealthy and aristocratic family, but he comes from a simple working-class background, the relationship may be unbalanced since she may not feel genuine admiration for him. However, if it is the other way around and a man gains the appreciation and recognition of his wife, he becomes enlivened to perform his duties with joy and empowerment.
In this regard, nationality may also play a role. After all, it is not a coincidence in which part of the world a soul takes birth. Some countries have a higher standard of living and are thus considered to offer a birth with better karma. Hence, if a man is born in such a country, his wife may find it easier to respect and admire him.
For a man to be naturally superior, he must also show mature and heroic qualities such as confidence, wisdom and openness - and above all, genuine Krishna consciousness. An insecure man may misuse his superior position to suppress a woman's talents and initiative. If, however, he feels secure with who he is - with all his shortcomings as well as virtues and gifts - he will not feel insecure if his wife happens to have qualities and talents which he is lacking. A hero can recognise and value power in others and even inspire them further, without feeling threatened. He does not feel powerless in the company of such a woman, nor the need to suppress her. A man must be genuinely mature to respect his wife's power and intelligence and feel inspired by those qualities. If he is insecure, he may feel jealous of her.
His superiority also manifests in how well he can tolerate his wife's limitations and faults. If he is not secure and confident in himself, then her lack of maturity may irritate him even more.
We may not always find the ideal match that fits all the above criteria and may have to compromise. It is therefore important to figure out the most essential aspects for a person and then clarify their priorities while balancing those prime concerns with other more internal aspects of compatibility. The above points merely serve as considerations, rather than principles carved in stone. And there are further aspects and levels of compatibility to be considered.
On the 23rd of October I travelled to Vrindavan...
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
RSS Feed
