Cancer - a calamity or blessing?

I spent two weeks during Kartik in Vrindavan, bathing in the nectar of saintly association during the morning programs while personally connecting with devotees from all around the globe during the day. Srila Prabhupada's disappearance was once again a wonderful festival, deepening our gratitude, meditation and love for Srila Prabhupada. In no other place of the world is Prabhupada's disappearance commemorated in such a festive mood and heart-moving Prabhupada Katha, with his personal quarters being transformed into an ocean of flowers....
My favorite holy place to visit is always Srila Prabhupada's quarters behind Krishna Balaram Temple - every single day I spent some time there chanting japa....
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On the 30th of October I moved on to visit the devotee community in Nagpur for one week. One of the leaders had attended some of my courses in Mayapur last year and had urged me to come for a visit. More than 15 years ago they established a little temple with Radha Gopinath and Gaur Nitai Deities and are now in the process of constructing a bigger temple in the new part of the city.
Every evening throughout the entire week of my visit, the devotees eagerly assembled in the seminar room of the temple in order to hear and discuss a variety of thought-provoking topics relevant for their daily practice of Krishna consciousness. "Meeting Death With Joy" was especially intriguing to them - for the first time they heard a seminar exclusively dedicated to the topic of death, with their fear being somewhat lifted from their hearts.

Death is the only part of life that is a hundred percent certain. Everything else may or may not happen; we don’t know. But death will happen for sure! It is unquestionable! And yet, we expertly keep pretending that death will never happen to us. And death sometimes reaches us quicker than we expect it to. Even when we are young, something may suddenly happen and boom – we are
instantly kicked out of our body. We don’t know when this tragic moment might strike us...
The death warning is always given – Krishna warns us in many ways... by old age, by disease, and by giving us many valuable instructions in the shastra. Nevertheless, receiving a more precise and unmistakable warning may be considered the greatest blessing. This may shake us up to finally take the warning more seriously. It is rather sobering to receive the diagnosis of a terminal disease such as cancer. Then we can deliberately prepare – as if consciously getting ready to embark on an exciting journey ahead of us.

We can just imagine ourselves being taken by surprise when we suddenly receive the news that in two hours’ time, we need to travel to the airport and board a plane that is flying to India from Europe. We would probably start panicking, feeling unprepared and simply not ready for the journey, unable to finalise the many last-minute matters in such a short time. Under the circumstances, our departure would not be so relaxed or peaceful. But if we receive the news one month ahead of time, we would then have plenty of opportunities and time to prepare for the journey; tidying up our home, emptying our fridge, making all the final arrangements for all the important things to go on in our absence, and so forth. Our departure will be well-planned and peacefully managed, without hectic activity and disturbances arising from the mode of passion.
Furthermore, we would be able to meditate on our destination; on whom we will meet and on the kind of service we will engage in. We would be able to meditate on Vrindavan, Mayapur. Within our mind, we are now already there, visualising and planning our visit. And we are increasingly looking forward to visiting these places. Only our external body is still in Europe; our mind has already reached our destination. We may be surrounded by friends and relatives expressing their sadness at our departure, but our mind is fixed on leaving and, with joy and determination, we are getting ready to go and board the plane.
Likewise, we can take it to be a great mercy and blessing to receive a definite warning of death approaching very soon. Our thought should be, “Now it’s time to get ready and leave.” Throughout the process of coming to terms with the fact that our life is coming to an end, we will need a well-wishing friend who will reach out to us – a person who is somewhat beyond the bodily platform. A realised friend who will not simply pity us, saying, “Oh, you poor thing! How do you feel?” Someone who can connect with us on the level of the soul, going beyond the bodily platform and actually encouraging us to move on to our next destination. Without such help and support, it may be difficult to maintain a spiritual vision of the challenging situation, and we may easily get affected by the three modes of nature, overwhelmed by sorrow, depression, fear, anxieties, lamentations and denial.
However, with the help and support of such a guiding friend, we can plan our departure as far as possible, like deciding on where we want to leave this world, and who we would like to have around us. We can finalise many last matters within our life, peacefully bringing things to a satisfying, thoughtful closure. We can absorb our mind in remembering the spiritual world by hearing and looking at the beautiful BBT paintings that Srila Prabhupada describes as the windows to the spiritual world. Looking at all the beautiful details of these paintings may be a very effective way of bringing our mind to the spiritual world; in fact, we can almost enter them within our meditation! During our final days, this may be easier in many ways, rather than hearing someone read from the Srimad-Bhagavatam to us. Even in a healthy state we may find it difficult to concentrate and hear when somebody reads, not to speak of the difficulty we face when approaching death. I personally have already chosen my favourite paintings, which I hope to gaze at when preparing to leave – Krishna willing....
Needless to say, during the last phase of preparing for our departure, the chanting of the holy name is our foremost service – our most important work is to pray. Our body may not allow us to engage in anything more than that, and even chanting may become extremely difficult. Begging Krishna to kindly accept us, allowing us to go to Him; filling our chanting with longing for a relationship with the Lord. Such prayerful chanting will deepen our connection with the Lord, facilitating our smooth journey onwards.
When travelling to a far place within this material world, we will be fearless and eager to embark on the journey if we know that a well-wishing friend will be waiting for us there. We can rest assured that we will be well taken care of. On the contrary, when travelling to an unknown destination where we don’t have any relationships, we may be doubtful about who will receive and take care of us. In fact, we may rather decide not to visit that place at all.
Likewise, our relationship and connection with Krishna gives us the confidence to move on – He has been waiting for us for countless lifetimes! We can then more easily let go of our last attachments to this world and pass on. Our fear of death directly indicates that our relationship with Krishna is still very weak. We will lose our fear of death in proportion to the depth with which we are situated in our loving bond with the Lord.
In this way, by undergoing an intense period of preparation, our mind will gradually reach Krishna’s divine abode, and we will come to the point of eagerly looking forward to leaving. In great anticipation, we will be thinking, “When will the delayed flight be ready for boarding – today, tomorrow?” Even though some of our friends or relatives may be sitting at our bedside crying and lamenting, begging us to stay longer and get healthy again, we are resolute in our determination to go. There is now no lamentation or fear – we are ready to depart. After all, it can only get better.
There may be some little uncertainties remaining, not exactly knowing where our ticket will take us, and who will be there to meet us at our destination. With unflinching faith in Krishna, we put ourselves in His hands, knowing well that He will perfectly take care of everything. After all, He arranged things throughout our whole life beyond comparison – why shouldn’t He do so in this last and most crucial of all moments?
Ultimately, our main concern is to be once again in the association of devotees and get an opportunity to serve the Lord and His devotees. And we can rest assured that this will happen.
I hope to receive a good warning well in advance that gives me enough time to prepare for my departure; this is my desire. Cancer suits me perfectly.
Krishna has already given me two good warnings in the form of cancer – a great rehearsal for the final one, which I truly would not want to miss. Those phases of cancer were the most precious times of my life. Leaving one’s body in a plane crash would not give one much time and peace of mind to prepare – a rather horrifying way to depart. Ultimately, the choice is not up to us – it is Krishna Who has the final say...

On the 5th of November I moved on to Pune.....

Your servant, Devaki dd

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