For many years I was contemplating the idea of visiting the Vaishnava community in Cardiff - I had met several times a nice group of devotees in Mayapur who come from this part of England. Now, in the beginning of May, I finally found an opportunity to do so.
Wales seems to be a bit of a conservative region of the UK - they even speak some old celtic language here: all public signs are in English and Welsh! Also the devotees seem to be in a more traditional mood - most of them are disciples of Sivarama Swami and Devamrita Swami.
They have a new temple project, renovating an old part of a building and extending it further into a new temple. There are a lot of young Western bodied people coming to the temple, with around 8 brahmacharis living in the ashram and traveling on Sankirtan. So the mood is vibrant and has a youthful spirit.
Wales seems to be a bit of a conservative region of the UK - they even speak some old celtic language here: all public signs are in English and Welsh! Also the devotees seem to be in a more traditional mood - most of them are disciples of Sivarama Swami and Devamrita Swami.
They have a new temple project, renovating an old part of a building and extending it further into a new temple. There are a lot of young Western bodied people coming to the temple, with around 8 brahmacharis living in the ashram and traveling on Sankirtan. So the mood is vibrant and has a youthful spirit.
The devotees kept me busy with morning- and evening programs at the temple, the Sunday feast and a house program. I also had the opportunity to visit the preaching centre and meet the devotees. Since several young couples were in the process of entering the grihastha-ashrama, we had a lively and thought-provoking session on the husband-wife relationship.
The fact that a wife is regarded as the better half of her husband and is meant to accept his mood and assist him in all ways does not mean that she is his possession and has no personal life. She is Krishna’s servant. Sometimes, a husband may get too possessive of his wife and discourage her from leaving the house and going to the temple for engaging in services. He may fear that she might start neglecting her family duties once she is encouraged in this regard.
Let us understand the nature of women – they need relationships and cordial exchanges with other lady-friends. A woman’s satisfaction is mainly found in their relationships with family and friends. They also need their time out, during which they can recharge their batteries and nourish their devotional creeper. It is beneficial for women to use their feminine shakti by developing their artistic talents, such as playing musical instruments, singing, dancing, painting, or studying the scriptures – whatever their
inclinations may be. If this need is not catered for, how then can the wife serve as the power of inspiration to her husband? A man has to be careful not to fall into the trap of making demands round the clock – in the name of his wife’s duty to be submissive and ready to serve as his better half.
Merely fulfilling demands and expectations will not be inspiring to anybody in the long run. Service in a loving spirit is meant to be offered voluntarily, accompanied by a sense of duty. It should be joyfully performed. This happy spirit of service can only be maintained if our emotional, spiritual, physical and material needs are met in a healthy and balanced way. At the same time, there may not be much room for a wife to have her own high-priority mission in life which consumes a large amount of her time and energy. If a wife does have a mission of her own, a husband may feel neglected, as he expects her to support him in his mission.
If the wife’s own aims and ambitions become more important than supporting her husband in his mood and mission and caring for the children, he may see her as a competitor. She may endeavour to become a hero herself, rather than empowering her husband to be her hero.
Once the children are grown up and a couple moves towards the vanaprastha-ashrama, there will be ample opportunities for a woman to absorb herself in a mission of her own. Then she will have a wealth of life experience to share.
To be able to strike the right balance, one needs the good council of a mentor. As we have already discussed in the first chapter, having a trusting and confidential relationship with a senior, well-wishing friend who has no other interest than assisting us in our devotional growth is the secret of success in the grihastha-ashrama. As long as we have material desires and attachments, we cannot assess ourselves objectively. Thus it is oftentimes difficult to strike a healthy balance between the various important duties and needs in our life.
A husband may feel perfectly justified in discouraging his wife from pursuing other activities to develop her personal interests and talents, not realising that such a restricted life may dampen his wife’s enthusiasm to serve as a devoted wife and mother. At the same time, the household duties cannot be neglected and always come first. A wife and mother has to be a good time-manager, so that she can find opportunities to engage in social and devotional activities also. While the children are small, she may have to fully devote herself to their care, simultaneously taking care of her husband. As the children become older and enter school, she may find more time for herself.
To show his thoughtfulness and care, a husband may sometimes agree to relieve his wife from some of the household duties and assist her, thereby letting her have a bit of space for herself to attend a morning program, visit her lady friends, or take time out from the regular household duties. He knows that she will be forever grateful to him for this act of kindness and cheerfully return to performing her duties with renewed strength and enthusiasm.
On the 9th of May I flew to Edinburgh in Scotland.....
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
The fact that a wife is regarded as the better half of her husband and is meant to accept his mood and assist him in all ways does not mean that she is his possession and has no personal life. She is Krishna’s servant. Sometimes, a husband may get too possessive of his wife and discourage her from leaving the house and going to the temple for engaging in services. He may fear that she might start neglecting her family duties once she is encouraged in this regard.
Let us understand the nature of women – they need relationships and cordial exchanges with other lady-friends. A woman’s satisfaction is mainly found in their relationships with family and friends. They also need their time out, during which they can recharge their batteries and nourish their devotional creeper. It is beneficial for women to use their feminine shakti by developing their artistic talents, such as playing musical instruments, singing, dancing, painting, or studying the scriptures – whatever their
inclinations may be. If this need is not catered for, how then can the wife serve as the power of inspiration to her husband? A man has to be careful not to fall into the trap of making demands round the clock – in the name of his wife’s duty to be submissive and ready to serve as his better half.
Merely fulfilling demands and expectations will not be inspiring to anybody in the long run. Service in a loving spirit is meant to be offered voluntarily, accompanied by a sense of duty. It should be joyfully performed. This happy spirit of service can only be maintained if our emotional, spiritual, physical and material needs are met in a healthy and balanced way. At the same time, there may not be much room for a wife to have her own high-priority mission in life which consumes a large amount of her time and energy. If a wife does have a mission of her own, a husband may feel neglected, as he expects her to support him in his mission.
If the wife’s own aims and ambitions become more important than supporting her husband in his mood and mission and caring for the children, he may see her as a competitor. She may endeavour to become a hero herself, rather than empowering her husband to be her hero.
Once the children are grown up and a couple moves towards the vanaprastha-ashrama, there will be ample opportunities for a woman to absorb herself in a mission of her own. Then she will have a wealth of life experience to share.
To be able to strike the right balance, one needs the good council of a mentor. As we have already discussed in the first chapter, having a trusting and confidential relationship with a senior, well-wishing friend who has no other interest than assisting us in our devotional growth is the secret of success in the grihastha-ashrama. As long as we have material desires and attachments, we cannot assess ourselves objectively. Thus it is oftentimes difficult to strike a healthy balance between the various important duties and needs in our life.
A husband may feel perfectly justified in discouraging his wife from pursuing other activities to develop her personal interests and talents, not realising that such a restricted life may dampen his wife’s enthusiasm to serve as a devoted wife and mother. At the same time, the household duties cannot be neglected and always come first. A wife and mother has to be a good time-manager, so that she can find opportunities to engage in social and devotional activities also. While the children are small, she may have to fully devote herself to their care, simultaneously taking care of her husband. As the children become older and enter school, she may find more time for herself.
To show his thoughtfulness and care, a husband may sometimes agree to relieve his wife from some of the household duties and assist her, thereby letting her have a bit of space for herself to attend a morning program, visit her lady friends, or take time out from the regular household duties. He knows that she will be forever grateful to him for this act of kindness and cheerfully return to performing her duties with renewed strength and enthusiasm.
On the 9th of May I flew to Edinburgh in Scotland.....
Your servant, Devaki dd
Please visit www.theholynameretreat.net
www.therootsofspiritualculture.net
https://www.facebook.com/instituteforspiritualculture/
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